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The Relationship Codex · Spot the Pattern
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About this inventory: Patterns referenced here are drawn from the
Power and Control Wheel,
developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, MN. This is an awareness tool, not a clinical assessment.
Everything you selected is listed below. Tap any item to understand why it is considered a pattern of power and control.
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Your top patterns
How this shows up in your relationships
Recognizing patterns does not mean you are weak. It means your nervous system adapted to survive what it experienced.
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Spot the Pattern
Recognize the unconscious dynamics driving your relationships. Built on attachment theory, nervous system science, and the Duluth Model. You're already here — go deeper.
Understand your patterns, regulate together, communicate clearly, and repair with honesty, accountability, and compassion. Designed for the work that comes after noticing.
Lise Bourbeau, Your Body's Telling You: Love Yourself! The five soul wounds (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, injustice) inform the emotional pattern mapping in this tool.
Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, The Gottman Institute. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as predictors of relational rupture.
Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn as adaptive responses to complex trauma — informing the attachment and pattern sections.
John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth. The foundational research on secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment — the basis for the attachment pattern inference in your results.
Dr. Stephen Porges. The neuroscience of safety, threat response, and the social nervous system — the science behind the somatic descriptions throughout this tool.
It's okay to feel confronted by what came up here. These answers are private — they are only ever for you. There are no wrong ones.
Take a moment. What feels true?
Why this is a pattern of power and control
What it can feel like from the inside
Referenced from the Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, MN. This is an awareness tool, not a clinical assessment.
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